Apparently Not!

Of course we are!

Or else, how would Karan Johar have produced a debacle so pure and unadulterated in any shape or form, that it would make a Sindhi (read kanjus) like me walk out of the movie after I paid Rs.250/- for it?

***

I intended to write a review but I guess there isn’t always a need to elaborately criticize someone’s work in 500 words or more. Sometimes, three lines is all it takes.

Inspiration, besides the pen, is the greatest tool for a writer. And I’ve been missing that for quite a while. Fear not though, I have it back, thanks to Bhavin Jankharia.

No, he is not who you think he is. He is a feature writer for Mumbai Mirror who gets a quarter page column every Saturday. Or so I’ve seen.

As his by-line reads, he is a ‘forty something’ guy. And if I may add, he writes like a man who has digested a handful of words and puked it out on his final draft. Invariably, those words form sentences that seem so ridiculously low in standard that they un-seemingly appear to be leaving his body from a place far south of his mouth.

I don’t want to judge here because I know it takes courage effort and all those awesome qualities to display your talent to the whole world. But there is only so much torture one can bear before enlightening the world to rid it of its evils.

From the anguish I’ve subjected myself to in the last few weeks, I have read the man talk about such unimportant issues in life, it makes me doubt the decisions of the editor of the paper.

It would be very different if he spoke of mundane things and tried to put in some hidden meaning and create a mystery around it. Hell, I would consider it ‘readable’ if he even infused some tacky joke in it. But that column consists of nothing but utter gibberish. It’s like the column is a sieve and every interesting readable word is left out to give you a crappy sloppy, worthlessly useless string of words.

At such times, I really wonder if I should doubt my capabilities as a writer. If there are people like Bhavin writing and getting paid for it, I don’t think the day is far when I will have my own hate-club, with people ranting about me on their blogs.

Cheers to that day!

***

As I read the Meterjam story in Mumbai Mirror today, I simply knew I had to blog about it.

This is an incredible initiative by Jaidev Rupani, Rachna Brar and Abhilash Krishnan. To say NO to autos and taxis for a day- 12th August, will be historic to say the least. I think everybody in Mumbai has been a victim of the autowallah’s rejection at some point in their lives. And for those who have been facing it for a while now, this is the perfect opportunity to get back at them.

You may be inconvenienced for a day but try and look at the bigger picture here and be a part of the movement.

With less than a week to go for D-Day, I urge you to spread the message to all your friends.

Twitter users, click here to visit the Meterjam page.

Facebook users, click here to visit the Meterjam Page.

You can also visit the Meterjam website.

]]> http://tellingitwrite.wordpress.com/2010/08/06/mtoi-meterjam/feed/ 2 tellingitwrite http://tellingitwrite.wordpress.com/2010/07/28/28-07-10/ http://tellingitwrite.wordpress.com/2010/07/28/28-07-10/#comments Wed, 28 Jul 2010 14:07:50 +0000 Poonam Advani http://tellingitwrite.wordpress.com/?p=343 ]]> According to Mission Graduation, I fell short of 5%.

Am I sad? Fuck no!

Am I happy? Fuck yes!

Jubilant even.

I have never ever seen a 95 on my academic report ever. Nor have I seen an aggregate of 80.14%.

I hope this isn’t a dream and that I don’t need a ‘kick’ to get out of it.

I can hear violins in broad daylight, a scene straight out of one of KJo’s sloppy movies. But who the fuck cares? I worked hard and I was rewarded.

If only for the thought that I could go back in time and put in a little more effort to bump it up to 85% , I would now be completely content with my super awesomely amazing life.

***

The topic should give you a rough idea about the events in my life right now. If I’m writing about KK – Kareena Kapoor, I must be demented or unnaturally bored.

I’ll go with unnaturally bored.

***

Bombay Times earns its daily wage by putting her up on it’s front page 4 days out of 7. If she’s paid them to do that or they are terminally  retarded, I will not know.

But I’m inclined to go with  terminally retarded.

***

Saif Ali Khan’s competence was questioned time and again. He decided to shut his critics up for good.

Oh, but I wasn’t talking about his work!

***

Poor Samiera(Karisma’s daughter) will have to live her whole in misery because lets face it, Kareena is going to steal all her clothes!

***

She is funding MAC and L’Oreal’s daily operations.

***

She wants to win a National Award. But shouldn’t someone tell her that she needs to act for that rather than endorse products that endorse her size?

Picture Credit: APakistanNews

P.S I just put Kareena Kapoor on my blog! Dang, I really was desperate to update my blog. *sigh*

***

I think everybody wants one.

Women do, well, for obvious reasons!

However, men, I think, need it in order to either assert (their authority) or insert it.  Either way, as far as I am concerned both the functions performed by men eventually help them satisfy the ginormous ego that they carry around with so much pride.

Most Indian males have a dastardly notion that is incumbent in convincing them of their superficial superiority. Simply because they bear an organ that rises and falls like the fucking stock market, they assume they are all-powerful. Well, those of you who are actually reading this, please know, that you are far from being powerful.

Just because you command attention and/or respect from people who are beneath you in the social circle or for that matter, anyone who you feel should treat you like the 330,001^ST supernatural deity, does not mean you, in actuality deserve it.

Man by himself (and by ‘man’ I mean man and not the entire civilization) is as powerful or weak as a woman is. If you look at the very reason of your existence: i.e. procreation, you will know that without a woman, you and your swimmers are useless. Just as a woman and her womb is useless without your contribution. So in effect, each man and woman is here, on earth, to co-exist. But you – you stupid man, have fucked around with this simple piece of important information for countless decades. And you continue doing that. And you fucking will, for the next hundred years to come, because you have a penis.

I never believed in generalizing. I never categorized people based on their behavior, social circle or any other feature. But today, I’ll say something that has been said for quite some time now:

All men are bastards.

Why you ask?

Just because I can.

Just because, I am a WOMAN!

***

This one’s for the ladies!

I’ve been meaning to write about Sex and the City ever since my sister put in a ‘six-season’ download request.

And if I had to sum it up in one word, I would say the show is fucked (up)!

A simple four point reasoning should prove the credibility of my review :

1) All four of them have different belief systems and are very strongly opinionated.

2) They seek advice from each other.

3) Since each one of them has a different thinking pattern, the advice given to the one who needs it, is totally useless.

4)Even though the advice-seeker knows the advice given is wrong or even *right* for that matter, she goes and does the wrong thing.

This fucks up her life and in turn ours. Show over, the end! This has been the ultra effective driving point for the show which has culminated into two movies. Each one worse than the other.

*Headline Credit: Uncle – You know who you are!

Picture Credit: Mediacraftlab

P.S. SJP should go die in a box.

***

That caught your eye, didn’t it?

Anyway, that’s the newest, hottest line men, women and beverages are making this World Cup season. And boy, aren’t we excited for it?

If Argentina wins, Diego Maradona has promised to run naked in the center of Buenos Aires. As much as I’d like to see Argentina win, I’m dreading the after game revelry Maradona is threatening to indulge in.

Yes, its a threat to me. I’m scared.

On a more cheerful note, there is news of a certain lingerie model running naked if the team she supports, wins the World Cup. Who you ask? Larissa Riquelme!

She has supported her team all through and isn’t willing to stop just yet. Or even after they win. She plans to paint her body with the colors of Paraguay and parade around stark naked. I wonder if she’s starting to get comfortable just yet?

The third and final contender for naked-dom is the cola giant – Pepsi. The big shots at Pepsi have decided to follow suit un-suit the bottle by letting the bottles be sold without the labels for a week after Argentina win the World Cup.

If the coach goes naked, we will, too. Pepsi promises.

Headline Credit: Poonam Advani

Larissa Riquelme Picture: Some blog on the internet. I didn’t steal it, it’s everywhere.

Pepsi Picture: Penn Olson.

***

Bastar witnessed the gunning down of 26 men by the Maoists  yesterday. After all those attacks in Dantewada, Silda, Gadchiroli, Malkangiri and Balimela, you would have thought our government could take precautionary action and not let lives be lost like this. But no. That isn’t the case yet.

Clearly, there is a need for other resources to be brought in to combat the Maoists but the defence minister A.K.Antony rules out the use of soldiers to combat the anti-social elements of our country. I wonder why!

It is really sad to see that nothing is being done to protect the people who are protecting us. When will the government take any action?

***

On another note, Sepp Blatter has apologized to England and Mexico. I wonder what exactly the players thought about that, even though England was quoted to have said ‘Thank You’ and the Mexicans ‘bowed their heads’. Does it have something to do with frustrations being vented out at Sepp?

Headline Credit: Times of India.

***

Alright, so we have another FIFA related post today but worry not ladies, I’m switching to sassier and sexier alternatives on weekends, i.e. (Friday & Saturday)

Talking about the Goal that Wasn’t (England vs Germany) and several others,FIFA seems to stand true to its technically challenged roots. Sepp Blatter was not present at the press briefing and the spokesperson – Nicholas Maingot was not authorized to comment on refereeing decisions. So, where are we getting any answers from?

Times of India seems to think that FIFA wants to retain its tech challenged roots for two reasons:

1)Human error is a part of the charm of the game

2)Review would disrupt the flow of the game

They do go on to say that both these notions are bullshit, albeit in a more mass appealing manner and I must say, I agree with them.

A sport that is taking over cricket in a cricket crazy nation like India, football / soccer, is a highly sought after commodity today.

Now, if Sepp finds the need to keep FIFA in a place where unjust decisions can rule the games, then all he seeks is publicity for his events. (Though it’s hard to imagine he would do it for the publicity)

I think it’s high time FIFA changed its policies for the better of the game. Else, I’m guessing, Sepp will wake up one night to the voices of angry footy fans next to him, waiting to displace him, while he fumbles about the course of action using his technically retarded brain.

Headline Credit: Times of India.

Picture Credit: EPLTalk